Creativity Is A Hearty Shit Sandwich

Many would say that an artist's best work comes from his or her own miserable existence. Drawing inspiration form the failings and unlucky situations they find themselves in at any given moment. Sometimes, however, inspiration can be an elusive device for both songwriters and musicians. This would not be the case with Derek Richards and Rick Williamson, the two key songwriters of the metal / hard rock band Worry The Bones, who have both dauntingly maintained an existence of misery for most of their lives. 

"We find that it keeps us on our toes when we serve ourselves a daily platter of shit sandwiches", says Derek, lead singer and lyricist of the group. "Without the craptastic lifestyle I endure, songs like 'I Enemy You' and 'Hospitals & Helicopters' would have never seen the light of day", the scrawny, half-starved vocalist says as he attempts to wrangle another drag out of the already abused cigarette butt in his hand.

"it keeps us on our toes when we serve ourselves a daily platter of shit sandwiches" - D. Richards

"I've had my share of ups and downs", says Rick, lead guitarist and composer, "but nothing the likes of which Derek deals with. He's just not productive unless he takes his morning stroll through Hell every day". A very serious look crosses his face, "To be perfectly honest, I go out of my way to make sure that Derek never runs out of ammunition for his craft. If he even shows the slightest resemblance of joy I quickly move to reverse it". Rick goes on to recall his own troubled past of jail, being a suspected terrorist and the undoings of his life as a rejected high school student. "These things have a way of creating integrity as well as thoughts of suicide", he says as he scrapes the freshly endured dog feces from the soul of his weathered Chuck Conners allstar, "Worry The Bones would be just another pop rock boy band had it not been for the havoc the both of us have and are living through". 

All we can say here at Music Vessel is God bless fucking calamity if as a result it creates music the likes of which Worry The Bones seem to be doing in fever.

The New Concept of Cooking With Metal

It's a well known fact in chemistry that the infusion of different elements can produce new undiscovered elements. Just watch the movie Iron Man II and see how Tony Stark reinvents his power source by combining various metals to create a new core for his super hero suites. I can't wait to get one myself, it should arriving within the next week or so.

However, Mr. Stark is not alone in his genius. It seems Chef Steve Anderson, of Peppercorn's Restaurant in Billerica, MA, has taken inspiration from the man behind Iron Man and developed his own new chemical element. By merging various forms of heavy metal together with various foods and wines, Steve has created a very tangible result in the form of delectable entertainment. He is calling his creation "Anodized Chef". It is my opinion that what Chef Steve has accomplished is nothing less than a molten heavy metal food fusion. We here at the Music Vessel have managed to acquire a small portion of this new chemical madness and mayhem and are pleased to give our readers a chance to indulge in it. We offer you the following episode and encourage you all to turn it up loud and get those sauce pans heated up.

Viewers Experience Hypnosis Through Youtube Video

It seems there is a new trend of hypnotic videos being released on the global internet video giant Youtube that induce a state of uneasiness in it's viewers. Some people have been describing the effects as life altering, and eye opening to say the least. We have managed to isolate one of these so-called "Hypnovids" as they are being called, but we must warn the viewers to watch at their own risk. We can not be held responsible for any mental alertness this may cause so please use your discretion before clicking play.

SPACESHIP FOUND IN GLOUCESTER, MA APARTMENT

Just yesterday, NASA confirmed that an extra-terrestrial "space-ship" WAS found in a Gloucester, Massachusetts apartment.  It was roughly the shape and size of your average beetle.  One of the co-renters of the apartment, Derek Richards, who we later discovered to be the lead singer for the greatest rock band of all time, Worry The Bones, had this to say, "it was roughly the size and shape of your average beetle."
Jennifer Jenson, our lead scientific correspondent was on the scene just moments after separating from her fourth husband in two years.
"Could you see the aliens?" she asked Mr. Richards.
"The space-ship was the size of your beetle, roughly," he answered, "so, no, didn't get to see a whole lot

An artists rendition of what the spacecraft looked like.

'aliens'."
"Did they speak to you?"
Mr. Richards shook his head vehemently.  "I stepped on the fucking thing, Jenny, I thought it was your average beetle."
Moments later Jenny proposed to Mr. Richards who refused.
"This could be the beginning of an inter-galactic war," said the amazing vocalist, "this is no time for
marraige proposals."
Stay tuned, we'll continue to monitor this situation and NASA has promised to brief us on any further
developments gained from evidence taken from the bottom of Mr. Richards shoes.

THE UNIVERSAL BEAT

Music On a Music Blog? That's Crazy Talk!

So this being a music blog after all, we find it only appropriate to include some music every now and then. So here ya go, "Thirteen Pregnant Virgins" is the debut album from Worry The Bones and you can preview all 13 songs right now in their entirety for free. How cool is that?

Like the music? Be sure to sign up for their mailing list or become a fan on facebook to receive the latest in news, new releases and other such tasty tid bits. Just click on the links in the side bar of this blog and rock on! 

Oh yeah, and if you are really feeling ambitious and supportive you can purchase the CD or download the album using the "Buy" button, also in the sidebar of this blog. Thanks for listening!

THE REAL TRUTH BEHIND TELEPHONE POLES!

Every child learns in grade-school who invented the telephone.  But what about the telephone pole?
Jessup K. Kearns, an insanely bored librarian in the town of Worship, Iowa decided to find out.
Twenty-one years of research confirmed Kearns' suspiscions...telephone poles don't resemble
Crosses by accident.
In the early 1930's, a man named Duggy Baker passed himself off as a civil-engineer and was hired
by the US Government to design the modern day "telephone pole."  In reality, Duggy Baker was a
an Evangelist for the Fundamental Christian sect "The Only Ones Who Matter."
And so, two years later, the entire nation was polluted with religious crosses masquerading as "telephone poles."  Jessup K. Kearns also learned that the one man, a fellow civil-engineer named Joe Smith-Smith
pointed this out to the US Government and was "accidentally" struck dead by lightning two days later.

So, as you drive down every street and highway in the nation and find yourself wondering why telephone poles look like Crosses, now you know.  It was no accident.
Duggy Baker passed away in 1983.  He had no wife but he did father 37 children and not one of them
would talk with us about his "mission."  And so we are left with nothing but more questions regarding
his dark legacy.  We would tell you you might want to pray as you pass every telephone pole you see
but praying while driving is illegal in 26 states and considered very dangerous.
And for this, you can thank Duggy Baker. 

Alice Cohen, "The Religious Times of Modern Day Christians Who Aren't Christians Anymore"

DRUNKS MAKE BETTER LOVERS!!!

In a long-running study out of UCLA, scientists have recently become convinced that drunks make better lovers.  "It's not that Hard to understand," says Dr. Joy Bubble, "they don't waste alot of time."
In a blind-study of over 10,000 volunteers, scientists and doctors were amazed to find that 99% percent of both men and women achieved greater sexual satisfaction from a partner that was drunk.
Why?  you might ask.

"They don't care", explained Dr. Leslie Hmmerkink, "they just don't.  They just do whatever you want them to do and usually wake up without any complaints at all."
UCLA is planning on a follow-up research plan that will include not just drunks but drunks that are infatuated
with pornagraphy.  "What we really want to discover is how many of these drunks are simply relying
on visuals received before they even got drunk in the first place."
In the meantime, if you are looking for a great lover, look no further than you're local watering-hole.
As Dr. Hmmerlink says, "if he can't even see straight you might be looking at the best time you'v ever had."

WORLD NEWS OR CLOSE TO IT

WORRY THE BONES BEST BAND OF ALL TIME ACCORDING TO....

Reverend James L. Burnesdale has been working on his best Heavy Metal/Hard Rock band list for almost 87 years.  That's right, long before even Elivs, Burnesdale was checking out bands in the 'Bayou called
Satan Loves My Sister and Scandinavian bred bands in the Midwest like Tortured Little Victim and We'll Eat Your Heart Out You Weak Little Brown-Haired Nitwit...and finally, after page after page of notes,
interviews and the invention of the modern-day hearing aid, Reverend James L. Burnesdale has finally
decided to release his list of the best Heavy Metal/Hard Rock bands of all time.
In an interview with "The Only Metal Magazine That Really Matters" the Reverend finally revealed his
number one choice.
"Worry The Bones," he said, between sips of his vodka-tonic, "because they fucking rule."
For those interested in this man-genius' other top 10 list, here it goes...

2. Megadeth
3. Tool
4.  Black Sabbath
5.  Winger
6.  AC/DC
7.  Danger Danger
8.  The Dave Clark Five
9.  Metallica
10. Slayer tied with Lita Ford

"What makes Worry The Bones the best Heavy Metal/Hard Rock band of all time?"  asked Lisa Knonothing, our leading music correspondent.
Burnesdale answered, after ordering another cocktail, that "they just rock.  They make me happy to be a
miserable, middle-aged man with no contact with his children and a serious drinking problem and a weird
fascination with weeble-wobbles." 
"Are they really the best Heavy Metal band of all time?" Lisa pressed.
"Of course.  Are you single?  Know what?  Who cares, do you think I'm pretty?"

And so, for right now, anyway, according to the leading expert in the field, Worry The Bones IS the best Heavy Metal/Hard Rock band in the world.  If you doubt him, by all means, YOU take him out for drinks next time.  I'm gonna take his word for it and run as far away as possible.

Lanie J. Lanie, "The Only Metal Magzine That Really Matters"  2011

How to Get Thirteen Pregnant Virgins

It's very simple really. All you need is as little as $7.99 and no more than $10 to get yourself thirteen pregnant virgins. And let me tell you they are feisty, fierce and hot, hot, hot!!!!!! Some will kick you square in the balls, some will have you bangin' your head and others will suck the blood right out of your body. These thirteen bits of lusciousness will keep you busy, busy, busy!!!!! And the best thing about these thirteen pregnant virgins is that you will never have to change a diaper! Sounds to good to be true but it's all right here on this debut album from Worry The Bones. 13 tracks of headbangin', fist throwing, mosh inducing fantasy that will guarantee you will want more. So get your copy today on digital download or CD. You will only be sorry if you don't.

FERRETS DON'T CARE IF YOU LIVE OR DIE

After 33 years of intense research at the "We Research Ferrets and Only Ferrets Center" it has been declared once and for all that ferrets, by nature, don't care if you live or die.  "What they want is food and water and plenty of things to steal.  Other than that, they look cute and make lots of eye-contact, but other than that, they simply don't care."
This breakthrough, began with a ferret named Napolean who was asked in "ferret-speak" if she really
cared about her human-handlers or not.
In ferret-speak, she said that, "as long as there is something to drag under the couch and food and water
and holes to sneak through, I could care less about so and so...."

Stay tuned, the research is ever-continuing, but in the meantime, it might be important for ferret owners
all over the world to know that they are out for themselves and only themselves."

Karen Ruddidka, World Animal Times

NEWLY DISCOVERED COMET TO STRIKE GOOD HARBOR BEACH!!!

New startingling research by NASA scientists has clearly put Good Harbor Beach, in the beautiful coastal town of Gloucester, Massachusetts in direct risk of a comet landing.  The six and half mile long comet, named "Fix The Roads Already!" is expected to land on Good Harbor Beach on Saturday, August 27th,
at 9:24 a.m.  "Fix The Roads Already" is what scientists call a "death-comet."
"It will surely wipe out every asshole, I mean, resident and tourist of Gloucester within seconds. This is no joke," explained Dr. Rudy Gladendale of the Atlantic Ocean Research Center based in a small hotel in

Lynn, Massachusetts.  "Alot of beautiful, tanned young women are gonna die if we don't take the necessary precautions and that would be an incredible shame."
"Fix The Roads Already" was first discoverd in 1977 by a Gloucester fisherman named Sully, but no one took him seriously.  Now it appears that the ignorance displayed the U.S. government could cost hundreds
of assholes, I mean, residents and tourists of losing their lives in mere seconds.
Dr. Shauna McNotsobrite put it this way..."you'll be tanning and then you'll be dead."
Stay tuned for more updates, this is NOT a hoax.  If you are laying on Good Harbor Beach on Saturday,
August 27th, at 9:24 a.m. and a big, bright thing comes flying towards you, dig as deep into the sand as you can and don't drink alcohol.  Alcohol only intensifies the comets immediate destruction and world-wide
exctintion of humans all over the world.  Stay tuned for more reports.

Worry The Bones Singer Suing Everyone!

In what is sure to be landmark case, Worry The Bones singer/songwriter, Derek Richards has hired the law firm of Dunson, Hayes and Lobaski to sue everyone.  That's right everyone.  If you are living on this planet today, tomorrow, the next day, etc, etc, Mr. Richards is suing you.  Why?  Why not? 
"Everyone I've ever come in contact with has either done me wrong or will do me wrong at some point in the future.  And those that I haven't come in contact with or will never come in contact with would do me wrong if they had the chance.  So everyone is at fault," quoted the incredibly articulate Metal-singer.
Attorney, Shay Dunson had this to say..."we think, Mr. Richards has a very legitimate case.  And we will take it all the way to the Supreme Court if we need to.  This man is entitled to his fair rights as a human being who has been done wrong or will be done wrong in the future."
When asked about the monetary figures the attorneys are seeking in, Attorney Libby Hayes said, "every dime that every person has to their name."  Attorney Hayes also quickly added that Mr. Richards would reimburse their firm for any damages he's receives in his lawsuit against them.

Sixx Makes Headlines Over King Of Pop Rant

So Nikki Sixx goes on a rant and his facebook fans are all up in arms. Excuse me for asking, but since when are Michael Jackson fans the same fans of Nikki Sixx? I know the similarities just so extremely close between the two but come on now. It leads me to believe that some people just have be involved with every celebrity that exists, be they dead or alive, rockers or crooners, pop stars or actors. What ever happened to fan loyalty? And if by chance there may be some people who like Shock Rock and Pop Music, why is it they can't separate the two genres in coherent categories and realize that personalities in each are extremely different animals? God knows that MJ has created his share of tabloid headlines throughout the years, just because he is now dead does not make his crazy past off limits to other people's opinions especially Mr. Sixx's. 

Whatever. It just goes to show that you can't please all of the people all of the time. Oh, and that Nikki sure knows how to stir up debate and make headlines.

Climate Change Be Damned!

It is hot as a muthafucka today and here I am at this fucking terminal punching keys in my sweltering studio trying to describe how fucking hot it is to readers that most likely don't exist! Does that make sense to anyone? Who the fuck am I talking to? Look, here's my reasoning about all of this. If I'm going to be sweating like a 600 pound Polar Bear at an Hawaiian Luau I would much rather it be because I'm standing under a thousand screaming hot stage lights and banging my head in unison to a pit of slam dancers and crowd surfers who are bleeding profusely from the beating they have volunteered to receive. Is it so much to ask? Am I being too unreasonable? Fuck no I'm not! Give me my axe! I'm going to mow down a few hundred innocent bystanders with some crazy rippin' guitar shit that will place me atop the Hendrix pillar of fame as most frustrated, yet innovative guitarist, ever!!!! And when I'm done cutting everybody to pieces with my six string attack I'm gonna go have some Ben & Jerry's cause like I said, IT'S MUTHAFUCKIN HOT!

 

WORRY THE BONES # 1 IN DOVER NEW HAMPSHIRE NEIGHBORHOOD

there is an independent band, Worry The Bones, that hasn't even played live yet.  Two Gloucester, MA, musicians wrote and recorded their debut album, "Thirteen Pregnant Virgins" in a home-studio between bouts of depression, insomnia, anorexia, alcohol and drug abuse, Veterinarian visits, head-colds, writers-block, communist-block, shark attacks, thunderstorms, hallucinations, water-spouts, tornado-warnings, warnings from God, dyslexia, trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder, food-poisoning, confusion, bad domestic arguments, Ricks incredibly unpredictable and near-fatal bouts of anger and loss of control,
Dereks desire to save drowning people all over the East Coast even though he himself can't swim farther
than ten feet, hot-flashes, cold-sweats, denial, false smiles, dog-walking, ferrets stealing everything from Derek that he hasn't nailed down, Kilgore Trout being a fictional character with great drum chops that
sells his novels only in adult book stores and has been known to carry diseases from book to book,
malaria, bird-flu, typhoon-panic-syndrome, anxiety, legendary mood-swings, "i hear a siren in the distance and i'm about to panic" conditions, short-term memory loss and paralysis, working full-time, unsatisfying masturbation sessions, the existence of the Lifetime Movie Channel and sulfuric tap-water.  And yet, they continue on...listen to Worry The Bones, because you never know when they will simply be gone from
spontaneous combustion or an evil wizard.....(D.R.)

Social Freakin' Overload!

So I'm trying to get the hang of all this social network marketing and it's got my head spinning. Between Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Youtube, multiple music sites and our own website sometimes I'm not sure if I'm coming or going. So what's my solution? Create a blog and add one more site into the already crazy fucking mess! Of course, why not. Now I know why I cut all my hair off fifteen years ago.....because I would have ripped it all out of my head by now! I really can't wait to just get out and fucking play in front of real people and really blow off some steam! They will be picking up the debris of those clubs for weeks after we annihilate them. Are you ready for some serious mosh pitting, headbangin', chaotic destruction?!!!!! I AM!

Who the fuck is Worry the Bones?

WTB - Thirteen Pregnant Virgins

Worry The Bones is an independent metal / hard rock band from Gloucester, Massachusetts formed in 2011 by two local musicians, Derek Richards and Rick Williamson. They released their debut album "Thirteen Pregnant Virgins" on June 14th, 2011 which is receiving excellent reviews from all over the world and as a result it is pushing their notoriety further into the mainstream. One thing is for certain, you can expect to hear a lot more from this band in the coming days and months. Check out their tunes at worrythebones.com.

"my head is about to fuckin' explode if we don't get this stuff recorded now"

Currently Worry The Bones is in the process of assembling musicians to perform live. "this project has escalated to a point where it must be seen as well as heard to be fully appreciated", says Rick of the band, "we have far too much to offer a live audience, at this time the stage is beckoning us". The band is also writing and recording material to be included on a second album and will be released sometime in the Winter of 2011 - 2012. "It's almost as if the metal Gods are shooting a fuckin' inspiration bullet right into our freakin' skulls", Derek says of the new material, "my head is about to fuckin' explode if we don't get this stuff recorded now".