SPACESHIP FOUND IN GLOUCESTER, MA APARTMENT

Just yesterday, NASA confirmed that an extra-terrestrial "space-ship" WAS found in a Gloucester, Massachusetts apartment.  It was roughly the shape and size of your average beetle.  One of the co-renters of the apartment, Derek Richards, who we later discovered to be the lead singer for the greatest rock band of all time, Worry The Bones, had this to say, "it was roughly the size and shape of your average beetle."
Jennifer Jenson, our lead scientific correspondent was on the scene just moments after separating from her fourth husband in two years.
"Could you see the aliens?" she asked Mr. Richards.
"The space-ship was the size of your beetle, roughly," he answered, "so, no, didn't get to see a whole lot

An artists rendition of what the spacecraft looked like.

'aliens'."
"Did they speak to you?"
Mr. Richards shook his head vehemently.  "I stepped on the fucking thing, Jenny, I thought it was your average beetle."
Moments later Jenny proposed to Mr. Richards who refused.
"This could be the beginning of an inter-galactic war," said the amazing vocalist, "this is no time for
marraige proposals."
Stay tuned, we'll continue to monitor this situation and NASA has promised to brief us on any further
developments gained from evidence taken from the bottom of Mr. Richards shoes.

THE UNIVERSAL BEAT